Worries - Journal

To say I've been confused lately is a large understatement.
I've been trying to avoid talking to people about it, and I've had a lot of people ask me about it...I just can't think of how to explain it, so hear it goes in a mess of words I hope to sort out a bit.

My first worry is college, I'm just short of being 17, I've been homeschooled my whole life, and in a little under six months I'm going to be thrown in a inviroment of classes, teachers, home work, people, books, lots and lots of them. It scares me, but at the same time I'm looking forward to it. The thing is, now my mom dosen't really want me to go, and for the last two weeks shes been spazzy and acting like she dosen't want me around her, then when I bring up collge she freaks out, and says things that make me feel un ready, and unasure of myself, and it hurts, as you can imagine.

Secondly is next yer. Yes, yes, I know, its a year away. But how fast this year is going to go, I know I won't have time to prepare for it...
You see, I was hopeing I could move in with my bf at Purdue, and it sounds like a great idea, and I know I would love it to death, being around him that much, I doubt I'de ever have a depressed moment again...its just a stupid old fashiond thing, ya know?
I am not in any way undermineing his knoledge, but...I've already done something I promised I wouldn't do untill I was at least engaged ( I agreed to it, and in no way stopped him at all, and that dosen't bother me anymore )
but the whole moveing in with someone...I know this sounds stupid, its just...if I'm good enough to live with, why would it be so hard to just be engaed? It wouldn't mean we would have to go get married right away...but I'm getting ahead of myself, of course, thats what I do, lol. Its just buggin me a bit.
That and I can't even put into words how much I would miss my family, and I'm SO caught. Between Andy, and my family...Everytime I think about leaveing Molly it makes me almost phisically sick.
I want to talk to him about it, but good Lord, hes 18, I'm not even 17 yet, and I've braught it up to much as it is...Idk, I'm stupid.